CHILD UPBRINGING

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim Alhamdulillahi rabbil-‘alamin was-Salatu was-Salam ‘ala Sayyidil-Mursalin wa ‘ala ‘Alihi wa Sahbihi Ajma’in. As Salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

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Q1: Nowadays, parents think that they are raising their children well. But do you think they are really preparing them for life or protecting them by not showing them the realities of life?

Having children is a blessing according to our belief. Thus, upbringing/grooming children is one of the most important duty and responsibility of a Muslim. We know that this Dunya life is as important as the hereafter life, therefore, education and preparing kids for this life is a responsibility of ours as well.

At this point, let us take a look at nowadays parents. Nowadays parents’ behaviour differs according to their social-economic class, life perspective, their backgrounds and what not. If we are to examine each; social-economic class, what we call, is more about people’s wealth. Low-class parents are more likely to be negligent when it comes to child upbringing and this makes their kids learn life by themselves. On the other hand, upper-class parents happen to be overprotective. Hence, their kids would have big problems adapting to the environment.

When it comes to life perspective, there are two types of parents: the ones who raise their kids just to be successful, and the ones who raise their kids to be good people. At this point; we, unfortunately, see some parents belonging to the first type are sacrificing Islamic knowledge to western education since their ultimate aim is to have kids who are successful in the eyes of westernized minds. As indicated, the last behaviour type is background. It can be said that there are two classes of it. Elders who had not much in the past economic-wise and younger generation who now have much more than elders had in the past. That is why elders, namely the older generation; force their kids to do something they could not do back in the days. In addition, they try so hard for their kids not to have difficulties they had. This causes their kids to be not prepared for the life at all since it is well known that “Hardships make people more mature.” As indicated in the holy Qur’an in Surat Al Najm verse number 39: “And that there is not for man except that [good] for which he strives.”

To conclude, the first question would be great to mention one proverb, which is “Best things are in the middle.”

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Q2: As Muslims, how can we raise awareness and take action on our social responsibility in such matters?

The religion of Islam gives much more importance to the upbringing and grooming of children because children of today will form a social system tomorrow. Any imperfection in upbringing and grooming of children will have adverse effects on the society in future. Thus, upbringing kids should be one of our prior topics.

Whatever about people is extremely complicated. That is why psychology, especially children psychology, must be studied and grasped well. In order to understand behaviour of kids and react to that accordingly, these studies are extremely important.

Even without studying psychology, it is obvious that kids mimic their parents. Therefore, so as to be a good role model a Muslim should train him/herself properly with the light of the Holy Qur’an and Prophets teachings.

In this intention, some advices can be given like the following

• Do not say something you do not do!

• Try to do good thing in their presence,

• Give enough time to them (prioritize them),

• Do not repeat mistakes (Hadith: “Do not fall a trap twice!”),

• Do not blame kids; blame yourself since they are just mimicking you.

• Do not force, encourage.

In addition to that advice, the environment of the kids is vital since their personality shapes the environment. As parents, we are also responsible for our kids’ environment. Friends, teachers, neighbours and every possible group of people that interact with the kids should be known and kids should be taught accordingly.

Lastly, a saying that completes our report should be given in here. “Teach your kids Qur’an and Qur’an will teach everything to them!”